What is your current occupation? Do you enjoy it?
Currently, I'm a celebrity impersonator. I mostly do Chris Hansen from NBC, "Won't you please have a seat?" But I have also been called to do Pee Wee Herman and Charles Barkley. I got the snot beat out of me for the Barkley impression.
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What is your educational background? Are you currently in school?
I am made from a Yale, Class of 2003, graduation robe. So I pretend to be Ivy League.
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Describe your lifestyle and current relationship status:
As I am only made from the waist up, I spend nost of my time looking for my bottom half, and especially my genitalia.
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Do you have any vices (smoking/drinking/etc)? Describe:
I do drink. Since I am made of cloth, I usually smell like Red Zinfandel or Scotch.
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Do you have any "heroes" in your life or your work? Describe:
Kermit the Frog has done very well as a puppet. He's my main role model. I also admire George Bush and his father as they are both excellent puppets for Big Oil.
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Do you have a favorite quotation? Enter it here:
"Holy shit." It was supposed to be said by Burt Ward in the original Batman TV series, but the censors cut it.
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What makes you happy? Why?
Even though I don't curently have any genetalia, I do enjoy pretending that I do and then pretending to diddle myself.
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What makes you sad? Why?
Yeah, it's the no genetalia thing.
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Name five (5) items you can't live without:
Cotton, Red Zinfandel, A hand up my butt (I'm a puppet, remember), Open-minded prostitutes and my Ipod.
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Describe your most "humbling" moment:
When my marriage was annulled for the no genetalia thing.
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Do you have favorite type of music? Favorite bands or singers?
I like the Beatles because half of them are dead so it's easier to write fan letters.
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What type of films do you enjoy? Please give some examples:
I like films about fabric and I've always loved Pinocchio, even after he had the sex change operation.
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Do you enjoy television? Which programs?
I watch PBS all the time. I freakin' pay for it out of my taxes, I'm gonna get everything I can out of it. God it sucks. Last night they did a show about the history of tin cans.
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Do you like to read? If so, what books have you enjoyed recently?
Mostly porn and the Bible, which has some juicy parts if you read the "begatting stuff" right.
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Do you follow sports? Which teams are you interested in?
I love sports, especially NASCAR. Have you ever seen such graceful left turns?
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Do you have any hobbies or other interests? Describe:
I love to knit. I've been trying to knit a little friend for some time now.
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Where are your favorite places? Where would you like to go most?
Since I'm mostly cotton, I love the South. I wonder who picked me?
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